No be small tin o!

Madam say make I drive am go her Pastor house, make she go do small counseling.
When we reach there, Madam say make I wait for car, say she dey come.

I jejely stayed in the car, waiting for Madam to come out. After 20 minutes, Madam wasn’t out.
A phone rang in the car, then I realized Madam left her phone in the car. I look at the screen and it’s Oga calling.
I decided to take the phone to Madam, in case it’s urgent.

As I was climbing the stairs to the Pastor’s flat, I was hearing one kain one kain sound like that, wey be like the sound wey that choir girl dey give Oga.
I no believe am!
I comot my slippers, waka small small reach Pastor door, come dey hear as Madam dey tell Pastor:
‘Ewwoooo!’ ‘Chai’
‘Sube m ya o’
‘Chi m o’.
I no sabi Igbo, but I sabi the kain sound wey I dey hear. E be like say Madam and Pastor dey do the tin o!
Kai!
I just dey door dey listen to the ringtone wey dem dey hala for inside there, I no know whether to enter Pastor house, abi to go back to where the car dey.

As I just dey there, Madam phone ring again!
Kai!
Immediately, Pastor and Madam stop wetin dem dey do.
I just know say I don fuck up.
Dem go know say I dey door.
Na speed I take waka comot for there, use hand carry my slippers just dey go for where I pack car.


See Also:  Akpan’s Diary [Episode 5]


Before 5 minutes, Madam rush come car where I dey come dey speak English.
‘Akpan, did you hear anything when you came up to the Pastor’s flat?’
‘No Madam. I no hear anything o. Na only small time I dey for door.’
‘Akpan, please, Oga must not know o’
‘Ahhh! Madam, I no hear anything. Abasi!
Na only small ring tone na him I hear’
Madam just dey look me with one eye as I drive the car dey go house.

That night, Madam gave me 3 pieces of meat, but I did not ‘do’ because Oga was around.
I will not report my Madam. She gives me extra meat plus t*to.

But Pastor dey enjoy o!
Kai!

Mr Eazi goes public with his relationship



Mr Eazi has been showing off glimpse of his relationship with billionaire Daughter, Temi Otedola in recent weeks.
The duo have finally gone ahead and make things public by sharing actual photos of themselves on their social media pages. We love love. Check out some photos from a wedding they attended in England over the weekend 




Featured: Akpan’s diary

I am just confused.

Totally confused.

Who send me?

Amara don carry sweet t*to give me, now i don confuse. I no know whether to follow Madam or to pursue Amara.

Amara don begin behave like say she no know me. If she see me for house, she go do eyes right. Even the extra Kpomo wey she dey give me before, she no dey give me again. Maybe na because she don give me Kpekus chop.

Ok o.

Anyway, Madam send Amara go market, and I say make I go upstairs go block Madam for room. I no know why Madam no dey call me again. I say make I use style go see if Madam go shake body.

The konji really hold me. I never see t*to for more than one week now, and e no funny again.
As I reach Madam room, I dey hear as water dey rush. Madam dey baff. I just carry chair jeje, put am for Madam bathroom, climb am, follow from the top dey look as Madam dey baff. Oh boy!
Madam bobbÿ still follow o! Kai!
I just see as Madam take dey shampoo, dey wash body, I just dey charge. Me don already put hand inside boxers, comot prick. I use one hand dey play with my prick, use the second hand take dey touch my nipple small.
I just dey imagine Madam sweet t*to, wey dey always taste like watermelon. The way wey she dey take call my name.
She go dey kiss me as I dey nack am.
She go just dey shout ‘Akpan’ ‘Akpan’ ‘Ai’ ‘Ai’ up and down.
E get one wey I like. She go dey shout something like ‘Labaa m’ ‘Chai!’ ‘Labaa m’.
That one dey scatter my brain.
I just dey think of how Madam t*to water go just full for my pr*ck. My pr*ck go be like say dem put am inside yoghurt.
Abasi!
The last time wey I dey nack am, when she wan cum, na so so water water just full my pr*ck and blokos, even soak bed join.
Oga no even ask why Madam carry foam go downstairs. That day, e be like say I go die. Madam no gree me rest.
The head of my pr*ck just dey red like firewood, I just dey fire dey go.
Abi na the other time wey I suck Madam t*to? I use hand open the t*to well as I dey see for blue film, carry my tongue just dey lick the top of the t*to, that tiny tin wey be like nipple. As I dey lick am, Madam dey shiver. I dey lick am, she dey shiver.
Kai!
I don turn ‘Akpara’ for Lagos!
As I still dey there, dey peep Madam, I just forget myself there. I no know when she take baff finish, open door, use the door take push me and chair comot.
Next thing, na ground I dey.
Madam sef shout ‘Jesus!’


See Also:  Akpan’s Diary [Episode 4]

Boxers dey my knee.
My hand still hol my pr*ck.
Pr*ck still stand like bodyguard.
I just confuse!
Madam look me one kain eye, come comot the towel wey she tie for body…

No be me again…?!

Amber Rose slams Piers Morgan as ‘mysoginistic’ after he tells her to ‘put it away’ over full-frontal pic

The reality star and the Good Morning Britain host had a clash of opinions

AMBER Rose branded Piers Morgan a ‘misogynistic a**hole’ and ‘idiot’ after he criticised her for posting a semi-naked picture on Instagram.

The pair traded taunts on Twitter when Piers told the model to “Put it Away luv. Thanks.”

The 33-year-old model sparked controversy after posting the explicit Instagram picture of herself wearing no knickers.

Piers objected, writing: “It’s not ‘misogyny’ to think that posting nude photos in the supposed name of feminist empowerment is pathetic attention-seeking bulls**t.”

Maintaining she wasn’t ‘nude’ as her breasts were covered and legs were closed, Amber called the GMB host “an idiot.”

Piers insisted: “I can handle your naked body, Amber – relax.
“I just can’t handle your ridiculous claim to be stripping off in the name of feminism.”

The explicit picture – which was posted to promote Amber’s SlutWalk campaign – was removed by Instagram within two hours.

The campaign is a movement the star started in 2015 to honour all women who feel judged and demeaned for their sexual behaviour.

To illustrate her point, Amber posted a 2011 image of Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine posing naked with a woman’s hands covering his genitals – and asked Piers if the photo was “attention seeking”.

As the conversation rumbled on, Piers expressed disdain as he typed: “THIS is what Emmeline Pankhurst fought so hard for? Jeez.”

But Amber responded sarcastically: “I’m sorry I forgot only men can be sexually confident”.

He also reproduced a photo of himself posing naked (but for a well-placed blanket) in an advertisement for Burger King.

“I am re-posting this in the name of male empowerment. 💪💪 cc @DaRealAmberRose,” Piers wrote.

“So you got naked for a Burger King check and ur giving me a hard time? Foh 😂😆😩,” Amber replied.

And seemingly ending the argument, Piers wrote: “It’s not about sexual confidence. It’s about you posting nude photos claiming it promotes feminism, which is utter nonsense.”

Amber Rose 


@DaRealAmberRose

I’m sorry I forgot only men can be sexually confident 😒 https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/873970412513832960 

The Most Romantic Thing A Partner has Ever Done For You

The ever boisterous Adeola Serrano, the host of Metro watch on Happenings Radio took to Nasco Love Show to ask some ladies a question about the most romantic thing their man ever did for them.Here are some of the responses she got:

Bankole Titilayo- Chartered marketer: “The most important thing I ever got from my partner is a kiss from my husband. It was the first kiss. I had not kissed prior that time. I have been married for two decades.”

Chichi Irobu- OAP and Events Planner: “I can’t really say. They haven’t done anything for me. I am not looking anymore”.

Temitope Awinloye- Worker: “Romantic? Oh yes, my husband is. We have dinner every weekend and go clubbing. Nigerian men are not really romantic. It depends on your man”.

Gloria – Worker: “The day my fiancé proposed was the most romantic gesture I ever received. The feeling was indescribable. It was fun. I dreamt about it and it happened. Nigerian men are romantic”.

Faith- Manager: “Nigerian men are not romantic. On a scale of 1-100, I will give them a 70. A Nigerian man cooked for me after I taught him. That was all.”

Elizabeth Usen- Student: “Just few are romantic. Just 40% are romantic. One actually made me a painting and a card and sent it to me on my birthday”.

Chima –IT professional: “Just 60% are romantic. The most romantic things a guy has ever done is pay for my cab fare when I was stranded”. 

To help the guys become more romantic, Serrano advised guys to “…buy her a gift, buy her lunch, surprise her, take her out, give her a massage, give her PDA (public displays of affection) and send her loving messages.

What do you think is the most romantic thing your partner has done for you. Hit on the comment button below and it’d be most welcomed.

This Couple Served Pizza Instead Of Cake At Their Wedding And It’s The Coolest Idea Ever!

Pizza is life. Pizza is bae. For Jess and Tony, the love for pizza was all too strong. The two got married in Miami and had the most millennial wedding ever. Guests were overjoyed when they arrived at the wedding to find pizza everywhere.

“It was saucy and delicious and what pizza dreams are made of,” the couple said. What’s more, the other wedding decorations were baseball themed as the groom plays for a professional baseball Los Angeles.

While we fret over making weddings perfect, there are people who keep it real and perhaps that’s the best way to get married. A wedding party that is the reflection of the two people getting married—what can be a cooler way to start a new life?! We’ll have an Old Monk themed mandap we think. Only if the pandit agrees to dress up as a bartender. 

This is a memorial one and i hope they don’t forget this.

What about you? 

REVIEW | Jena Irene Asciutto claws her way to the top with debut album, ‘Cold Fame’ by Jason Scott

“It’s a concept album about growing up and figuring out who I am, which is pretty much what we’re all continuing to figure out day after day. A whole swimming pool of emotions I discovered throughout the last few years; but I love that the story ended at self-acceptance. Though there’s a lot of frustration through the first half, there’s also a lot of contentment towards the end,” she spoke to Artist Direct about the record, produced by Kevin D. Nixon (Little Angels, Francis Dunnery). 14 tracks is fearlessly ambitious, especially in an age when attention spans are clipping shorter and shorter through Snapchat stories and Instagram posts. But it is her sharp musicality and otherworldly voice which bewitches you into staying for the whole story. “Some days are better, but you gotta let go,” she pleads on “Numb,” a smattering of ghostly screeches and soundbites (which mimic her inner turmoil) are pinned beneath the billowing mid-tempo.

Her personal unrest reaches a fevered pitch–cleansed and washed away by her own gradual self-realizations as the album unfurls. Things noticeably shift with “Floating Down the River,” in which she reclaims her life. “Not going to waste it on you, but I’ll take it for free,” she swears, uplifting a sweet, hymn-like melody for some kind of god-like rebirth. “Drown in the rain, take away my cold fame,” she urges. And with that, only the echoes of her troubled past can be heard imprinted on such standouts as “Loneliness” and “Now I’m Gone” on the back-half of the album. “White Girl Wasted” is funky and fun, featuring throwback horns, a no-fucks-given attitude and slinky vocals. “Somebody told me to write a single,” she mumbles into your ear before the song even begins. Asciutto is gutsy and ferocious, and her conviction is deeply-rooted in her soul.

Cold Fame (which includes only two songs from her 2016 EP) is much more than some hackneyed, post-show record from a wannabe performer who couldn’t make it in the real world. It’s a remarkable body of work, displaying her path to renewal–bookended by “I Want to Hang Out with You,” a bombastic and chilling vocal performance, enriched by glowing “ooo”s and a rather mellow arrangement. Displaying every grotesque cut and busted starburst bruise, Asciutto bares her soul for the entire world. Now, it’s our time to listen.

Must-Listen Tracks: “Black Magic,” “Innocence,” “Floating Down the River,” “Loneliness,” “Song for Myself”

She skillfully draws you into a bygone era of psychedelic rock. She lands somewhere between The Doors and Pink Floyd, with the scratching rumble of Janis Joplin and The Rolling Stones as her tender but firm touch points. Her dexterity at the piano, as much as at the microphone, is enthralling–progressing from sweltering angst to heavenly bliss by album’s end. She slips immediately into a sweeping vocal cortex and seems to pull the noose tighter and tighter across her throat, as she plunges deep into cinema-driven tunes that dissect her coming of age in the millennium–until the rope snaps, of course, and she uncovers a new sense of life.

“Song for Myself” jolts the listener alive, instantly enveloping them in only piano and violin–the opener is suitably dark in anticipation of an album unequivocally raw and personal. “I’m all alone standing at the edge” are the first words escaping her lips. They are simple words, simply constructed, but they encompass the dangerous abyss down into which she fell in her bid to fame and fortunate. She passionately and concisely chronicles her escape into and out of the shadows throughout the entire LP. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, but no one was listening. “I’m broken down the middle. You leave my bones to lay to rest,” she then muses on “Innocence,” a throbbing anecdote about losing her virginity, a part of her heart she can’t ever get back, no matter how much she fights to save it. “It’s a fucked up situation.”

She came in second to another hard rocker named Caleb Johnson, whose boyish charm, wavy locks and naivety sealed his fate quite early in the competition, and despite her best efforts to out wit and out sing him, she was relegated to second place. But that’s probably for the best. Three years later, she’s finally releasing her debut album. Cold Fame is out this Friday (June 2), and the title alone evokes quaking fury, hardness and skepticism, filtered through the exhaustive lens of an incredibly gifted, hard-working musician who has everything at her feet but not a shred of luck. The numbness came to devour her, and out of the ashes, she rose victorious, but not without plenty of ravaging battle scars.Detroit based singer/ songwriter views much more in music as a lifestyle.

Reasons Why Getting Married Early Is Actually A Good Decision

With the times changing, not getting married until you reach thirty seems to be the new norm. The times when people got married in their early twenties are long gone apparently. The societal pressure of getting married fizzling out gradually is undoubtedly a boon, no denying that. But, there are more than one reasons why getting married early is not such a bad decision after all. While waiting till you’re well settled before you marry makes total sense, tying the knot earlier has its own benefits. Breaking the common myth that tying the knot early puts a full stop to your life, here are 11 reasons why it is actually a good decision. 

1. First things first, there is no perfect time. Marriage is a big decision and you will still be as clueless when you are forty as you are right now. There will never come a time when you feel you’re ‘ready for it’. Waiting for it will only make you lose out on what you could have right now. If you’ve found the right person already, maybe, it is time to take the plunge.

3. Admit it or not, your twenties are the most exciting years of your life. Once gone, it never comes back. You want your significant other to be a part of that glorious phase in your life too. Getting married early opens up a whole new world for the couple where they discover a hundred new firsts every day, together. Your first overseas trip, your first day at that dream job, the day you buy your first car – you want it to experience with the woman you love, don’t you?

4. Needless to say, honeymoons are much more fun when you’re young. You can go out partying and get sloshed, you can set out on a day long trek, you don’t have to constantly worry about ‘acting your age’ – it is like going out on a trip with your ‘girlfriend’ all over again. It is edgy and exciting. You don’t want to be one of those boring couples who have no capacity left for alcohol and no enthusiasm for anything else either! 

5. Remember how your dad carried you around on his shoulders all the time when you were a kid and how he was your first best friend? Every man wants to give his kids the same childhood. You want to be the one who teaches your son how to play Cricket and his daughter, how to ride a bicycle. 

You want to be their superhero. And, that can’t happen when you’re a middle aged man with a paunch who is diagnosed with a new ailment every day. You want to be the ‘young dad’ your kids love to play with!

6. Making a career, looking after a whole house, providing your family with the best of everything is no easy feat. Having to fend for your kids even after you retire from your job makes it worse. You don’t want to be struggling all your life. Your kids should ideally be old enough to look after themselves by the time you retire for the sake of financial stability of the household, and that is highly unlikely when you get married anytime after thirty.

7. You’re more adaptable and adjusting when you’re young. There are more chances of your marriage working when you’re tolerant and understanding towards each other. Once you’re already well settled and have figured out everything on your own, it gets difficult for you to make compromises and for someone else to adjust with you. 

8. When you marry, you come of age. You become responsible at a considerably young age, which not just reflects in your married life, but even in your career. You no longer live a paycheque to paycheque life. Your savings get a huge kick-start. The decisions you make are no longer short-sighted and you learn how to deal with even the most difficult situations in life. What’s more? You have a constant support by your side all that while.

9. Early twenties is the time when you come the closest to yourself and get drawn the farthest from your family. Marriage revives that bond. You begin to attend family dinners without having to compromise on those drunken nights with friends. You’re as close to your family as you’re connected with your best friends. That not only makes you realize the importance of your parents, but also strengthens you emotionally.

10. Younger parents are cooler parents. Not only would you be a better father to your kids, they will trust you as the parent who ‘understands them’. 

The emotional gap between a father and a child bridges much faster and you become their friends.

11. There are times when marriages go terribly wrong and there is nothing you could have anticipated. An early marriage gives you much more chance to not only work on the relationship but also walk out of it and start afresh in case it fails. It may not be the most pleasant thing to hear but all said and done, there is nothing in the world that can ensure the success of a marriage.

Talking of marriages, do ensure to join me for more enlightening sessions as well as drop your comments, contributions and experiences below

CrediAhnieWellington & other special couples.

How HelloFresh Makes Home Cooking Easy and Fun by Popdust

Recently, I’ve been hearing about all these dinner-delivery kits that show up on your doorstep with pre-planned dinners and groceries, neatly organized and ready to cook. I thought maybe they could save me some much needed time and energy to make my life easier. Over the past few years, making dinner has become a chore. I used to like to cook, but recently, I’ve been too tired to decide what to make for dinner, and my husband and I revert to the same boring meals every day. I tried a few dinner delivery services first, but HelloFresh, which came recommended by a friend (greatly appreciated), totally changed my lifestyle.

HelloFresh recipes take only 30 minutes and the dinners are fresh and delicious. My husband, is a simple steak-and-potatoes guy, and I like my salmon and veggies, so we needed something simple and versatile. Some of the other meal-kits had me chopping vegetables for 20 minutes and spending more time cooking than I’d planned for. But HelloFresh allowed me to cook my dinner stress-free and with very little setup and cleanup.

Every HelloFresh meal comes in mini boxes perfectly packed with everything I need for each recipe. Each box fits neatly in my fridge, and it’s ready to go when I’m ready to cook. It helps me break the cycle of just grabbing a bag of chips and plopping on the couch.

We like the Classic Plan, which provides 3 nights of dinner for two people each week. I am picky when it comes to veggies; I like them colorful and crispy, but off-season grocery store specials can make this challenging. The HelloFresh veggies were just the way I like them—beautiful orange carrots, green broccoli and red tomatoes. 

My favorite recipe was the Shrimp Burgers with Sriracha Mayo and Carrot Fries. I followed the instructions and found the burgers, including the sriracha mayo, to be surprisingly delicious. The recipe called for a brioche bun that we warmed in the oven for 5 minutes before. It was heaven: just like when you get to the bakery first thing in the morning. The carrot fries were something I never would have thought up on my own. We sliced the carrots so they looked like orange french fries, drizzled them with olive oil, a pinch of salt and pepper, and baked them for 15 minutes— that was it. Easy peasy. Altogether it was a wonderful meal and even the cooking part was fun.

I tried HelloFresh with hopes it would save me time, but it’s actually helped me get back into cooking. I don’t have time to be a gourmet chef or the energy to come up with creative meals, but I want to eat healthy, and live a more balanced lifestyle, something HelloFresh helped me to accomplish with ease. The quality of produce was just as fresh as my farmer’s market and they have really good meats. Plus, their website offers a variety of plans and dietary options, and they allow you to turn on and off delivery each week or pause your account. And you can cancel at anytime.

Credits: popdust

Here’s The Latest Crazy Story About Beyonce’s Delivery Room Demands

Beyoncé Rumored To Be Asking For Silent Delivery

As the countdown to Blueprint 1 and Blueprint 2’s arrival continues, the stories about Bey’s birth plans abound. First, we heard she planned to give birth at home, then they said her security has been running weekly drills to practice their approach to Cedars-Sinai and now there’s a report that Bey wants silence in the delivery room. 
According to Naughty Gossip reports:

“Beyoncé likes peace and calm around her. She has zero time for drama and gossip. She likes her inner circle to be soft spoken if they have to talk at all. And you can expect the same will be true when she gives birth to the twins,” sources tell Straight Shuter. “You can only get into her private life if you are invited. She is very guarded and protects her privacy at all cost. She likes to be surrounded with peaceful colors and soft sounds. This will be of utmost importance for her when giving birth.”

This story is almost like opening up a fortune cookie or visiting your average storefront psychic. EVERYBODY knows Beyoncé is private. THAT doesn’t take an exclusive source to figure out.

Silent birth is a real thing though – something that Scientologists practice and Katie Holmes even did when she gave birth to Suri, but as much as Bey loves music we don’t really see her doing a silent birth.

Speaking of Bey’s love of music… Hit the flip for some recently posted pics of her from a Michael Jackson/Prince party.

Always to bring you fresh facts and gists